Why Your Team Sucks 2. Chicago Bears. Some people are fans of the Chicago Bears. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Chicago Bears. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. I Can Make You Sleep By Paul Mckenna' title='I Can Make You Sleep By Paul Mckenna' />
Unable to sleep The best ways you can trick yourself into dozing off. The next time you are having trouble sleeping, try our expert natural tips for getting past. Paul McKenna Im not built for relationships He has made millions curing other peoples phobias. But Paul McKennas own fear of commitment seems. You guys thought you hated Jay Cutler, but it turns out that you really just hated being alive It was bad enough when the Bears forked over 19 million in guarantees. I promise you they move out when they are ready. Once they can talk and communicate and understand how close you are in the next room. They are little for such a. Your team Chicago Bears. Your 2. 01. 6 record 3 1. Lets see how they shot themselves in the dick against Green Bay this timeIf you want to sleep longer and much deeper, let me help you. Ive been helping people improve their sleep for over 20 years. Select which method you think will. Issuu is a digital publishing platform that makes it simple to publish magazines, catalogs, newspapers, books, and more online. Easily share your publications and get. The student protests that have swept through Claremont McKenna College CMC over the past few daysand the ensuing fallouthave made us disappointed in many of. I Can Make You Thin Audiobook. Mother 3 English Translation more. Everything I would do in a personal session with you is on this complete Audio Programme. I know the Lions and Vikings also routinely humiliate themselves trying to beat the Packers, but the Bearsmy friends, the Bears have it down to a science. Dont you dare try to out cuck them. Your coach John Fox, who is clearly in the Spurrier mailing it in at South Cackalacky phase of his career. Look at that man and tell me he doesnt want to be in flip flops and a Hawaiian shirt and fellating a Corona at some tiki bar somewhere. Last year Seth Wickersham wrote a profile of John Elway that contained this fantastic bit about Foxy A rising lack of discipline under Fox prompted Elway to sometimes yell at the team because Fox wouldnt. Before a late season practice in 2. Fox turned to a few people on the sideline and asked, Isnt winning the division enough A few weeks later, after the Broncos came out flat in a divisional playoff loss to the Colts, Fox got his answer. Now THAT is the kind of folksy casualness that NFL owners and executives prize. John Fox The Division Is Enough. I wish I could put money on Fox walking off the job in the middle of a Week 6 loss to go apply for a fishing license. Theres no way hes gonna want to hang around this team when he has to deal with Your quarterback You know, if I had told the average Bears fan a year ago that Jay Cutler would finally be purged from this roster, theyd have probably been delighted. No more smoking jokes and measles outbreaks anymore SWEET FREEDOM AT LAST. But now that all of you know whats replacing him You guys thought you hated Jay Cutler, but it turns out that you really just hated being alive It was bad enough when the Bears forked over 1. Tampa backup and Guy Ruining Your Dates View At The Movie Theater Mike Glennon. Mike Glennon, who threw 1. Mike Glennon, who has a worse career passer rating, completion percentage, winning percentage, and yards per attempt than the man he seeks to replace. Mike Glennon, who is 8. There is no greater indictment of the quality of NFL quarterbacking than the fact that THIS rando was the subject of a free agency sweepstakes. So signing Glennon and anointing him the starter seemed like rock bottom. And then came Draft Day. Then came the Bears psyching themselves out and trading four picksincluding two third rounders a year apartjust to move up a spot and draft a quarterback they met a grand total of one time a player that the Ninerscurrently with Brian Fucking Hoyer penciled in at QBdidnt even want to begin with. The Niners are no ones idea of a competent franchise, and even they were like, Holy shit, are these guys REALLY this fucking stupid Did I mention that the Bears didnt even bother to tell their own head coach that they were doing thisDid I mention that Mitch Trubisky started just one full year at QB and SCREAMS Bortlesish tall stiff Look at these poor fans react the moment they realize whats happened The fucking Javits Center on election night was a happier place to be. By the way, Mike Glennon was AT that Draft party and was reportedly livid about the deal, which is hilarious because A LOL they never bothered to warn him and B Oh no Mike Glennon is MAD, you guys He might make a lasso from his mutant giraffe neck and trip you with it There are a lot of NFL teams with bad leadership the Skins, the Bengals, the Jets, etc. But at least those teams HAVE leadership. The Glennon signing and the Trubisky draft prove that Bears have nothing. The Bears are a headless corpse running around, blood spurting from its severed arteries and slicking the floor and causing everyone around to slip and fall and break a hip. You guys used to have one expensive, shitty QB. You now have two. Oh, and they signed Mark Sanchez too Amazing. Beautiful. UNFUCKINGREAL. Why not grab Sean Salisbury from the local Chilis and suit him up while youre at it Hell, bring Cutler BACK Chicago could just become one giant shitty QB convention What a fucking disaster. Whats new that sucks Christ, does it even matter Did you see what the hell is going on up above You could clone Von Miller 5. OHare toilet cake. They lost Alshon Jeffery, who was somehow their best player despite always being hurt andor suspended. They signed Markus Wheaton, because speedy wideouts from Pittsburgh ALWAYS flourish the moment they leave. They also signed the empty salsa jar that is Victor Cruz, along with three defensive backs Quintin Demps, Prince Amukamara, Marcus Cooper for a team whose biggest problem was run defense. Oh, and last years top rookie had his season cut short with horrifying concussion problems. Yay. What has always sucked Now that the Cubs have won a World Series title, every other Chicago team has won a championship since the Bears last won one. They are officially the ass end of the Chicago sports scene, and theres nothing to suggest that will change anytime soon. But Im sure their fans will continue to slog along with their sausage induced concussions and pretend this team could un fuck itself simply by playing PHYSICAL BEAR FOOTBAW. Thats always the best some fat asshole in the standswho couldnt get three steps on a rent a cop without collapsing in exhaustiondemanding that his Bears toughen up. Meanwhile, watch this idiot Bears bro get jumped by a gang of Jags fans Thats you, Bears fans. You are the swaggering laughingstock of the NFL. You are the dumbest fans in football, and its not really close. Oh, and FUCK DITKA. Fuck Ditka with a set mousetrap. Did you know Dude, remember when a bunch of Bears fans poisoned a Steelers fan because he wasnt a Bears fan What the hell is wrong with you people You dont go around poisoning fans of the opposition. You STAB them. Thats the civilized thing to do. What might not suck Oh man, Jordan Howard is a BEAST. I look forward to him falling into a statistical canyon the second Fox makes the switch from Glennon to Mitch Cumstein. HEAR IT FROM BEARS FANS Noah God fuck this. Joe Matt Barkley currently has more career receiving touchdowns than Kevin White. Noah In August 2. I was driving in Winnetka with my Dad. We were talking and he was distracted so my Dad ran a stop sign, nearly hitting a guy walking his dogs. As we passed him he gave us this look, like almost pissed but couldnt care enough to really express more than a frown. And I realized who it was, it was Marc Trestman My Dad almost ran over Marc Trestman. Antwan Fuck Mike Mc. Caskey, Ray Mc. Donald, George Mc. Caskey, Ryan Pace, Mike Ditka, and a preemptive fuck you to Mitch Trubisky when his arm gets twisted into a pretzel by Clay Matthews in his first start. Michael Im a bad parent because Ive afflicted my son with my love for this organization that has no interest in putting out a decent fucking team, much less loving me back. For years the kid begged to go to a game and I said no. Why take him to see the Bears get their asses beat in person at well over a 1. Last year I kind of relented and took him to a pre season game against the Broncos because I still didnt want to pay for regular season ticket for a first grader. Of course the Bears got shut out 2.